bekstek:

mintike:

IM GOING TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FOOT I JUST SENT MY ENGLISH TEACHER MY ESSAY ON HAMLET AND IT WAS STILL NAMED “the fresh prince of denmark yo holla”

oh man, i love receiving unedited final drafts:

cracks me up every time

unclefather:

robber: *breaks into my house*
me: can I help you find anyth-
robber: just looking

bellsystem:

(Source: ducklingfantasy)

lonelytreestump:

My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you

teashoesandhair:

If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an ‘uncharacteristic purchase’